what can i do, now that her touch is gone
gentle, soft fingers between mine
taken away from me, replaced with air
and the lingering warmth where her knuckled should be
.
the eyes that refracted the sunlight into brown mirages
now can only stare colorlessly into mine
in discomfort, distress, disgust, and worst of all, apathy
that she escaped, but i am left to drown
.
do i still show up in her thoughts? floating in her mind
does she dream of me still, or wake up and think of me
like how i do, and with a searing pain in the chest?
or was i just an experience, a try at love but love sacrifical
perhaps too much so, but isn't that what love is?
.
i would search every classroom for her, split every atom,
examine every crevice in this universe to find a smidgeon of her.
but the girl i am looking for is gone, except for a cavity in my chest
a ___-shaped hole that leaks and bleeds of the love i have
.
i'm supposed to say "i wish you the best", but the truth is
i wish that every time you pass ___ your heart drops, thinking i'm there
and that every flower on campus reminds you of the bouquet i made
and your bed feeling empty as memories of us lying skin-to-skin play back
until you cry like i did, until your face aches of sobbing like mine
.
but even after the pain, the heartache, and the frustration
i still love you.
i would rather start over, and do this all over again
than need to replace you with another
it's not rational, but what is? it's not healthy, but your in no position
to criticize my health when you killed me
.
but i still love you, to the ends of the earth and back
until my sinews snap, or my vocal cords fry, or my heart stops.
i will scream of how much i love you
i am waiting, perhaps hopelessly, for the day we reunite
and i can say "welcome back, ___"
that day could be tomorrow, next week, next quarter, next year
years down the line, or even decades
or more realistically, when we meet again in Heaven
.
we may love each other again, or love others who love us back
in ways God saw as better, but even then i ask: "why not now?"
right when i needed love most, it was taken away
my friends are tired of hearing it, and my family is exasperated
the time i needed you by my side most is when you left my side.
.
"could i love my killer" is the question for me
"how much would you give up for love" is the question for you
could i betray my thoughts, family, ad friends to love my killer
unfortunately, my answer is yes
will you give up what you want to love again?
you can answer that